My wee heart

My heart sighs.
Everytime I struggle, wrestle around; I fight and play with lies; I try to kick them away and I cry and pray for it to pass.
Everytime this happens, I arrive at the same beautiful conclusion that never seems to tire me.
Everytime I hear it, it has the same profound impact on my heart and runs like water deep into my soul.

Ali, you are loved by me.
Ali, you are loves by me no matter what you do.
You do not need to be perfect for me to love you.
My truth that I sing over you is more powerful than the lies you wrestle with.

Never be distracted by the paths of others, simply keep your eyes on me.
Never compare your journey with anyone else.
I. LOVE. YOU
I am promising you beautiful, that I will provide for you. For every need that you will have. I am going to feed you, I am going to make sure you have a place to sleep and take shelter. I am going to love on you there. I am going to lead you, I am going to support you emotionally. I will always feed your soul and make your spiritually full. I am the only one who can do this.  I will love you.
I will love you regardless of what you do for me.

If you want to sit and watch TV for 7 hours, I love you just as much as I would if you prayed for 7.

My love for you is not conditional and you never have to earn my love.
I actually trust you Ali.
I trust you with the plans for your up and coming trip. I trust you making decisions with money, I trust you when you are selling your possessions and when you are sharing about when I'm leading you.
I ask that you would in turn trust ME.
You can trust me and I will be good to you.
I am the only person who can promise you that I will never let you down.
You will never be disappointed when your HOPE is set on me.
Stop focusing on the transformation of your heart and mind, stop focusing on healing and restoration. Let's keep it simple honey and let your heart only be set on me and my love for you.
You have my permission to stay there and set up camp there.
Why not pitch your tent next to my river of grace?
Immerse your ful body in my love.
Take shade under my tree of truth and eat its fruit.
Be free to run on the grass of revelation and lay in it.

Know that when you are with me, you are free.
You are free my sweet Ali and I believe in you.

The Sacred Romance

"Suppose there was a King who loved a humble maiden. The King was like no other king. Every statesman trembled before his power. No one dared breathed a word against him, for he had the strength to crush all opponents. And yet this mighty King was melted by love for a humble maiden.
How could he declare his love for her?
In an odd sort of way, his kingliness tied his hands. If he brought her to the palace and crowned her head with jewels and clothed her body in royal robes, she would surely not resist - noone dared resist him. But would she LOVE him?

She would say she loved him, of course, but would she truly? Or would she live with him in fear, nursing a private grief for the life she had left behind? Would she be happy at his side? How could he know? If he rode to her forest cottage in his royal carriage, with an armed escort waving bright banners, that too would overwhelm her.

He did not want a cringing subject. He wanted a lover, an equal. He wanted her to forget that he was a king and she a humble maiden and to let shared love cross the gulf between them. For it is only in love that the unequal can be made equal."

(As quoted from the book, "The Sacred Romance")

It seems that to find love you must set it free. The wildness of the lover before me and the freedom he sets before me because he wants me to love him, not to be controlled by his power.
Power can do almost everything, but it cannot control love. You can never make another love you.

I am so grateful for God's wild love and his unexhausted pursuit of my heart.
Unexhausted pursuit of my heart.
Continual romancing.
Painful letting go. Painful to believe that it is actually true. A fight to recieve and let truth reign in my heart.
My heart is being stretched.
My mind is a battle, constantly wanting to control and make it's own way.
But my heart's desires remain true.
I want what my Father has set before me.
I want what He wants, and most of all, I want to know my lover.
I desire to know the wild heart of God and to be led by Him.
I desire to be consumed by His Truth and His song over you.
You're beautiful.

Intimacy

Sometimes I miss God so much.
I dislike how busy my life can be, seemingly doing things FOR God, but not necessarily spending time WITH God and enjoying sweet intimacy and time with Him.

I am in this place right now and It’s a vicious cycle of being so busy and then beating yourself up that you don’t have time.
I  miss intimacy!!!!!!
I miss the word!!!!
I miss hearing His voice and His sweet words in my ear, His beloved.
Father I so desire you.

I absolutely NEED you. I feel like I’m not getting enough oxygen when we don’t get to spend time together. You truly are the source of my life. You are the very breath that I inhale. I want to be united with you again and I want to be wrapped up in love with you daily. I want to hear you calling me to steal away and spend time with you and I want to do it.

I am sick of playing solitaire on my phone and zoning out to ‘relax’!!!!! I want to spend time with YOU and I want my soul to be fed by your words and your truth. It is rich nectar and brings LIFE. I want you to breathe on me afresh and fill me with your presence. Revive me. It’s only by your grace that I can even come before you and KNOW you! What a pleasure and a gift. Feed me with the richest of fair, let us steal away and delight in one another.

I don’t want to seek security in friendships alone, I don’t want to waste my days and my life on meaningless things that will be blown away with the wind. I want to look back on my life and see that I filled it with rich truths from my Fathers lips.

I run to you and I shelter in you.
I come to you because you are the one that satisfies.
Satisfy my soul.
Your name is like honey on my lips.
You are the conquering lion and you will break every chain.
I absolutely come to you. Even if I forget how to, even if I try to work it all out for myself and hold myself back by being concerned by details, you are patient and ever-loving and you will satisfy me with all I NEED.
You open your hands at the right time.
You feed me, you clothe me.
You adore me.
Honoured.
Love, your daughter.

I Was Created For You

A day of love.
A day of cards, teddies and chocolates bought last minute.

And you adore me.

You couldn't care less about roses, red and fancy wrapping paper.

You simply want to gaze into my eyes and let me breathe in your love.

Nothing to me in this world is as beautiful as when you believe in me.

You are truly magnificent. My eyes are locked on you and my heart is captured.

I look at you and you FILL my gaze.
Your eyes speak to me and I feel the volume of love in your heart.

The more I look at you, the more beautiful you become.
You blossom and flourish before my eyes.
The more I love you, the more lovely you are.
You were made to be loved by me.

My love. Will you come and be with me?
Will we cuddle up together and I can tell you of my heart.
Can we share quality time? No TV, no phone.
Just you and I.

I long to run with you. To hide in a tree.

Share with me the secrets of your heart.

I want to know the depths.

I want to be familar with all that you are.

I know you.

I know every hair on your head.

I am familar with every freckle on your face.

You delight me.

You are beautiful.

You are romantic because I AM ROMANCE.

I am pursuing you and sweeping you off your feet.

I am whispering my love to you.

My eyes are fixated on you.

Passion.

Some Wonderful Things.........

1.Sleeping in your own bed after you've been away.
2.When you make someone else's day.

3.Being sent a letter or a package.
4.Listening to your favorite songs.

5. Putting on a brand new pair of socks.
6.People who just 'get' you.

7.Finding things you thought you had lost.

8. Making a paper snowflake and opening it out to see your design
9.Hugging someone you haven't seen in a long time.

10.Breathing in fresh sea air.

Unchangeable Constant LOVE

The truth is, people will hurt us.
The truth is, people will let us down.
The truth is, people will decieve us even when they have the best intentions.
People are people and we cannot rely on a person to be perfect.

My heart has been very bruised this weekend. But you know what? I am going to be ok. Infact, I am going to be more than ok. I am going to be great, I am going to be satisfied and fulfilled.

God is the most precious companion I could ever walk with.
His leadership is perfect.
He has led me with such compassion and love in these last couple of months.
He is so trustworthy. He can even transform a person's thinking. He has transformed mine.
His hand is the perfect size for me to hold.

I am learning what it REALLY means to say:
The Lord is MY shepherd, I shall NOT want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, beside the still waters.
He gives me drink, He restores my soul.
He really IS my Leader and during this sore weekend, I have been learning that I can trust Him more and more.
I reflect and I see His goodness, I see His guidance and I see His grace over me that has saved me from more heartache.

Truth is, I am whole in Him.
Truth is, He replaces my ashes with beauty.
Truth is, I can be peaceful deep within because He is with me on my journey of life and His plans are amazing for my future.

I rest.
I take shelter.
I let him cuddle me.
I drink tea with Him and I rest under His arms.

He says.
Ali, you are lovely.
Peace to you.

Healing and Encouragement

I think it must be really difficult for good men to love good women.
Before he meets her, its likely that her delicate heart has been hit a few times by men who professed love to her. She allowed her heart to open. She let them come in and take a look around. Sometimes they stole things from her. She is scraped. She is bruised. She is tender and cautious.
She has been promised so many things that never manifested. She has been misled. Melted by a course of romantic words. Caught up in an infactuation of a mans ‘perfection’ and his wonderful web of words. He is in a locked position on that pedestal, he can do no wrong. Meanwhile her soul is neglected and her heart is exposed. She doesn’t realise it because her eyes are centred on him.
Over time she is worn down. She has accepted lies about herself. She has been treated in a way she never deserved. She has been cheapened and abused. Her esteem is low, her emotions are raw. She is never quite enough but at the same time she is too much. She no longer can identify who she is, but she wants to be better. More pretty. More artistic. More fashionable. More acceptable.
The lies continue.

She is alone again.
She is spending a lot of time thinking.
Her heart is broken and crushed.
She looks up and where does her help come from?

Papa speaks.
Beauty?
No. you must be looking at the wrong person.
Worthy?
She looks down, ashamed.
Pure?
No. Not me.

Over time he gently tells her His thoughts. He has endless patience and love for her that she cannot comprehend. He continually pursues and pours his love onto her. Slowly she begins to raise her head, her feet follow as she rises to a standing position infront of Him. He lifts up her chin and gazes upon her face. It is dirty and neglected. He reaches down with his eyes still focused on hers and begins to wet a piece of cloth with warm water. He slowly raises his hand to wipe her face clean while telling her how beautiful she is. How he adores her!

She begins to glow. Her face is radiant with the words of truth He has spoken over her. His words were like gold dust and they rested upon her and illuminated her beauty.
He invests all His time in her, continuing to speak truth over her. She struggles at times to accept what He says, but he is persistent and gentle.
He is consistent in how he treats her and over time healing takes place. Over time she begins to believe what He says. She has moments when she falls into old patterns of thinking but again and again, he graciously brings her back to His way of thinking.

You are so beautiful.
My precious girl.
I absolutely adore you.
I love your heart.

When it comes to love a man again, how will she trust? All she has known is to be let down, lies, deceit, poor leadership. She’s been fed that she will never be worth a fight.
How can she believe a man when he tells her that he would like to pursue her?
Will it end how it has done everytime before? How can she trust her own judgement? Will God protect her if she walks forward?

The man on the other hand, has the mammoth task of leading in a way that honours her. He must love her in a way she has never been loved before, it goes deeper than words and wishful thinking. He must love her being led fully and wholeheartedly by God, listening to His every instruction and prompt ONLY. To love this woman he cannot rely on his own feelings, his own motives or his own ideas of how to romance her. He must love her THROUGH God. He is the only appropriate one to fuse the two together. He is the only true leader who can redeem and heal a damaged heart.

A lifetime of bad habits, negative thought patterns and wrong expectations must be unravelled to reveal God’s true desire for love manifesting in two people. They both literally must have their minds renewed. The renewing of the mind happens over time and requires a mountain of patience with oneself and the other person.

I am learning a lot about myself. I am learning a lot about women around me.
We need our precious minds RENEWED.
I need my mind RENEWED.

Dear women, my sisters – do not give up. Continue to believe you are WORTHY of goodness. Continue to break agreement with lies that hold you back and bombard your mind with negativity. Choose to agree with the Father and receive His love. Hear His heart for you and His song over you. Let His truth fall on you like leaves to the ground, may they land softly and take root deep within your soul. May you find love and be loved as you deserve, princess of the King.

Dear men, my brothers – do not give up. Continue to seek God in all you do. Arise mighty warriors and fight for the hurting women of this world! Be a man of great valour! Be the example, be part of God’s redemption plan! Arise and do battle with the enemy on behalf of the women you love! Be consistent! Be true! Always keep your word and lead! Lead directly from your Father’s heart!
Amen.